One of the things talked about often in therapy is coping skills. We like to know individuals have a plethora of coping skills to pull from so that in any triggering situation a person finds themselves in, they have some way to help them through it. In most situations, coping skills will work. Given enough time, negative emotions and physiological arousal will decrease, and the person can move forward.
Sometimes, however, a situation occurs that takes a person so far from feeling regulated and throws their nervous system so off-kilter that nothing seems to work. This can leave individuals feeling frustrated, discouraged, or even ashamed that the skills that usually help are suddenly ineffective. Understanding what is happening in the nervous system can help explain why.
Understanding Nervous System Arousal
It may be helpful to understand how people respond to triggering events. There are two opposite extremes of nervous system activation: hyperarousal, an overactivation of the nervous system often associated with the fight-or-flight response; and hypoarousal, an underactivation of the nervous system often associated with freeze or shutdown responses.
Hyperarousal can feel like high energy, feeling overwhelmed, panic, anxiety, rage, racing thoughts, hypervigilance, muscle tension, insomnia, and a rapid heart rate. In contrast, hypoarousal is characterized by low energy, emotional numbness, depression, emptiness, brain fog, dissociation, flat affect, shallow breathing, and feelings of heaviness in the body.
Hyperarousal can be triggered by a perceived threat, causing the body to shift into survival or defense mode. Hypoarousal occurs when the nervous system becomes so overwhelmed by stress or trauma that it essentially shuts down to protect itself. It is important to note that people do not always respond to stress in the ways we might expect. Individual trauma histories, life experiences, and learned coping patterns can influence whether someone becomes activated, withdrawn, or moves between both states.
There is also an additional response known as fawn, which does not fit neatly into either hyperarousal or hypoarousal because it can involve elements of both. Fawning is another survival strategy used by the nervous system when a person attempts to appease, accommodate, or please others in order to avoid conflict, rejection, or harm. They may become hyperfocused on another person's needs and emotions while suppressing their own boundaries, opinions, and feelings. Over time, this pattern can contribute to detachment, resentment, and even dissociation.
Even though these responses are the brain and body's way of protecting us, spending prolonged periods in any of these states can contribute to emotional dysregulation and negatively impact emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
What Is the Window of Tolerance?
As we understand the opposing arousal states of the nervous system, it is equally important to understand the concept of the Window of Tolerance, a term originally developed by psychiatrist Dan Siegel.
A person's window of tolerance refers to their capacity to navigate stressful experiences and life's challenges without becoming overwhelmed by hyperarousal or hypoarousal. When we are within our window of tolerance, our stress response and our ability to rest and recover work together effectively, allowing us to remain present, calm, focused, and able to think clearly.
Various factors can influence your window of tolerance on any given day, including how much sleep you got the night before, whether you are eating regularly and nourishing your body, physical illness or medical concerns, mental health symptoms, chronic stress, and the misuse of alcohol or other substances.
Your past can also affect the development of your window of tolerance as you move into adulthood. If you grew up in a chaotic or highly stressful environment, experienced trauma, or were exposed to adverse childhood experiences, your window of tolerance may be narrower. Additionally, individuals who are neurodivergent, including those with ADHD or autism, as well as those living with OCD, PTSD, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, and other mental health conditions, may have a more limited tolerance for stress.
Importantly, this is not a personal failure, weakness, or indication that something is wrong with you. Your brain and body are doing what they have learned is necessary to keep you safe. The encouraging news is that, with awareness, support, and practice, it is possible to expand your window of tolerance and improve your ability to manage stress over time.
Growing Awareness of Your Nervous System
Recognizing how your mind and body react when faced with stressful situations is an important step toward increasing your tolerance for stress. The next time you feel anxious, upset, angry, or overwhelmed, pause and do a quick check-in with yourself.
Ask:
- Where am I feeling this physically?
- What emotion am I experiencing?
- What thoughts are running through my mind?
- How am I doing mentally?
- Is this affecting me spiritually or impacting my sense of purpose and connection?
Identifying what triggers hyperarousal or hypoarousal is also key. When you can anticipate a trigger or recognize it early, you may be able to use coping skills before your nervous system becomes significantly activated or shuts down.
It is important to remember that triggers are not always obvious - and that is okay. Sometimes our nervous system reacts to subtle cues or reminders that we are not consciously aware of. At other times, stress accumulates over days or weeks until our capacity is exceeded. Give yourself grace when this happens.
Whenever possible, process what occurred. Talking through challenging circumstances can help reduce their emotional intensity and create a sense of understanding and control. You can do this by confiding in a trusted family member or friend, journaling, talking to a pet, participating in a support group, or working with a therapist.
It can also be helpful to begin and/or end each day with a Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual check-in. Building awareness during calmer moments can make it easier to recognize shifts in your nervous system before they become overwhelming.
Practical Ways to Reset the Nervous System
There are many effective techniques that can be used throughout the day, almost anywhere, especially when your nervous system has become activated.
Grounding Techniques
Grounding techniques help redirect attention to the present moment. Try engaging your senses by identifying things you can see, hear, feel, smell, or taste.
Box Breathing (4-4-4-4)
Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and pause for four seconds before repeating.
Change Your Environment
Stepping outside, taking a short walk, or simply moving to another room can help interrupt the stress response and provide a reset.
Shock the Senses
Placing a cold washcloth, cold water, or an ice pack on your face or neck can activate the body's calming response. Some people also find that sour candy or strong mint flavors help redirect their attention.
Movement
A brief walk, stretching, shaking out tension, or engaging in light physical activity can help release excess nervous system energy and promote regulation.
If you ever experience an altered nervous system state, know that you are not alone. Anyone can experience an event that is stressful enough to throw them off balance. Remember that your body is constantly working to protect you as part of the human condition. Even when it feels uncomfortable, your nervous system is responding based on evolution, past experiences, and learned survival strategies.
The good news is that you can influence and strengthen your nervous system over time. By paying attention to both the big moments and the smaller everyday moments, you can develop greater awareness, resilience, and confidence in your ability to navigate life's challenges.
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